Upgrade Your Moves: 4 things women won't tell you about sex but you need to know

Many women are afraid to say “Please do this” or “Don’t do that” for fear of confronting a man looking shocked, upset, or disappointed.

While sex might be a pleasurable and amazing act, most people have their own private personal thoughts about it. Women often think about a lot of things that they are unlikely to tell their partners. They make judgements and notice a lot more than you would expect.

Here are four things she is thinking in the bedroom but will not tell you.

1. She can tell when you’re doing something because you saw it in a porno.

Most sex in porn is about what’s good for the camera, not what’s good for the participants in it, especially the women. In fact, many things that look good in porn can keep couples from having fun in real-life sex. For instance, in porn the only parts of their bodies the actors often touch are their genitals, so that the camera can get a full view of the action. But in real life, sex is more of a whole-body experience, and the genital-only thing can feel cold and masturbatory.

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Of course, she knows that men know this, and most would deny that they’re doing stuff because it looked good in a porn and not because it felt good in the moment. This means she will rather not bring it up when you do stuff that looks better in porn than it feels in life. When you do something you picked up in a porn that doesn’t add to the real-life pleasure, she takes notice and is often hoping you get it out of your system so you both can move on to activities that are actually fun.

 

2. Endurance is overrated

Sure, no woman wants a one-minute man. Women do like having sex for at least long enough for her to find her release. But just because women would prefer intercourse to last more than 60 seconds doesn’t mean that longer is always better. If you consider a point of pride that you can thrust away for an hour without coming, there’s a high chance your partner is lying under you wondering how on earth she can say she’d have liked to wrap it up 40 minutes ago, but is afraid to say anything because she doesn’t want to stomp all over your accomplishments. The vagina’s ability to continue lubricating itself is limited, which can make marathon sex feel more like a duty than a joy.

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3. Orgasm can be a pain

This is only true for a minority of women. For women who have trouble orgasming, sex could be fun, but it isn’t, not because of their lack of orgasm but due to their fear they’ll disappoint their partners. They find themselves avoiding sex because they don’t want to have to endure endless attempts to bring forth an orgasm that will never come, but they still like to masturbate, even if they usually can’t reach orgasm.

 

4. She wants to you to be gentle

No, do not poke at the clitoris like it's an elevator button. Nipple twisting is useless and not every woman is a fan of finger-banging, which can feel rough and sort of pointless. Men who dive at your genitals with their mouths were appreciated for their enthusiasm, but not so much for their technique.

Overall, more pressure can be added as needed, but the shock to the system of having someone overdo it can be a major turnoff.

Obviously, every woman is different, and even with these most general of guidelines, you’ll find dissenters. Communication between partners is the ideal. But have some sympathy on women who find it difficult to speak up. You might find that having patience and understanding will make it easier to draw them out over the long run. To encourage more communication, don’t make faces or act like your ego is hurt when women do push themselves to speak up. It likely took a lot of courage to do so in the first place.