Eligible Grooms in Maiduguri Abandon City Girls, Rush for Single IDP Camp Ladies

Eligible young women in Maiduguri, the Borno State capital, are worried that the continued stay of single girls in the Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) camps is threatening their chances of getting married as many potential suitors are abandoning them for those in the IDP camps for a variety of reasons.

Some of the girls that spoke to Daily Trust, who call themselves ‘city girls’, said all the girls in the IDP camps are villagers who want to relocate to the city that is why they are offering themselves
cheaply to men, referring to low bride prices and other costs attached to marriage in the region.

Most of them, wearing long faces, lamented that men who have dated prospective brides for years have abandoned them for others in the IDP camps, who accept impromptu marriage proposals from men they do not know very well, for the promise of a life away from the camps.

Most of the ‘city girls’ told Daily Trust that they will not crash the prices of their dowry from the usual N150,000 on the average to the N10,000 being paid for brides at the IDP camps, maintaining that they are refined, polished and have qualities that the girls in the IDP do not.

Falmata Bashir Modu, 23, is awaiting admission into the University of Maiduguri and said the girls in the IDP camps are actually a threat to single girls in the city, because most men want low-cost marriages are finding comfort there, adding:

“When someone whispered to me that the guy proposing to marry my childhood friend is abandoning her for an IDP bride, I could not believe it. But it happened, just because he could not afford N500,000 to N1 million. He went for a rustic bride who I’m sure cannot even cook well.”

But Aisha Mustafa, 22, and a student of University of Maiduguri said if it is just the cost of dowry that will make her miss her suitor for another girl, she is ready to convince her parents to reduce the money to a bearable amount.

 “I cannot afford to miss someone I love because of bride price. I’m not for sale. There is a minimum amount fixed by Islam as  dowry and I do not mind asking for that, once the love and understanding is there. What I want is to enjoy my marriage with a man I love,” she said.

Maimuna, a student of Sir Kashim Ibrahim College of Education, Maiduguri, said she will not reduce her dowry.

“It is a matter of sitting him down and telling him the advantages of going for the best. I am sure he will understand,” she said.

Maimuna’s friend, also a student of the same College of Education, who declined to identify herself, said:

“I’m aware that some men went to IDP camps and paid N5,000 or N10,000 and got brides. They rush for the IDPs because they do not have to buy clothes and other traditional requirements. It’s disturbing and something needs to be done immediately.”

But 40-year-old widow Inna Usman said the IDP girls are only a threat to other girls who are desperate to marry.

“Since my husband died, I have not been keen on remarriage. I am facing my business now. The IDP girls are posing a challenge to ‘city girls’ and the men are not willing to budge.”

Fatima Musa is a student of a secondary school in Gwoza, and she escaped to Maiduguri, where she is staying with her parents. She said the issue of bride price is a matter that only parents can address and that IDPs are entitled to marry.

“I don’t see any reason why men should not ask for their hands in marriage.”

18-year-old Zainab Adamu of the University of Maiduguri said she blames the men for the situation.

“Any man who abandons the girl he has proposed to for one with supposedly less economical cost does not know what he wants,” she said.

She added that the rate at which men troop to IDP camps in a rush to secure brides is alarming.

 “I think it is time for government to relocate them back to their various communities so that everybody will rest,” she said.

Zainab Auwal, 27, said she is not afraid of the IDP girls taking over her suitor because she is educated and her suitor is only interested in educated fine girl like her and not a girl that is willing to give out herself in marriage so cheap.

24-year-old Hauwa Abubakar, also a student, said a friend’s sister lost her suitor to an IDP girl.

“He complained of high bride price and before we realised it, he had married an IDP bride.”

Miss Grace, a student of the University of Maiduguri, told Daily Trust that there are educated and non-educated girls both in the IDP camps and among the so-called city girls.

“The fact is, the IDPs are less-demanding because they’re eager for new lives away from the camps. And the demands of the city girls are crazy, as far as asking for N500,000 and above.”

Asma’u Suleiman, a student of Sir Kashim Ibrahim College of Education, Maiduguri, said her friend who is also a student of the same institution lost her suitor to an IDP girl after four years courtship.

 “I know my friend does not pay much attention to him whenever he raised the issue of marriage, but it was too harsh of him to have abandoned her for the IDP. I was told that the IDP girl used to visit him on campus, cook for him and wash his clothes. The next thing we heard was that they got married,” she said.

On their own part, the men who spoke to Daily Trust said moderate dowries are not the only factors causing them to go after the girls in the IDP camps. Alhaji Fannami Marte said he married his second wife from the IDP camp two months ago, not just because it was easy on his pockets.

“Maiduguri girls have no time for their suitors during courtship and they tend to be full of themselves. It is either she is busy at home or attending to her parents. I need enough time with the girl I want to marry so that I can understand her very well. The single girls in the IDP camps give time and attention. Some of them are even more beautiful and intelligent than the so-called city girls,” he said.

Marte had accompanied a friend to an IDP camp, where he met a girl.

“She is beautiful and the smile on her face attracted me and we got talking. In three weeks, we got married and without stress. Yes, she might have been born in a village but she can fit in even in London,” he said.

Kyari Modu, a civil servant, said he has witnessed the marriages of seven of his friends to IDPs in various camps in Maiduguri so far, but is yet to marry one.

“Only two of the seven men paid a dowry of N10,000 each. All others paid N5,000 each and they are all living in peace. It’s love that matters.”

Bana Alhaji Kyari is a trader at Bolori market in Maiduguri and he married recently from an IDP camp.

 “I married a beautiful woman, with good character. All my neighbours envy me.”

Kyari told Daily Trust that he spent a total of N14,500 for the marriage instead of the N300,000 he would have spent on a bride from Maiduguri.

“If I have my way, all men should go to IDP camps and marry. They’re the best,” he said.

Maryam Isa Bulama is an IDP and she told Daily Trust that a date has been fixed for her wedding and does not care if her husband-to-be left any city girl for her. She said:

“It is not right - and downright cruel - for anyone to say that IDPs are rustic or illiterates. I am a graduate of Sociology and there are girls here with Masters degrees. We are victims of insurgency, and it could happen to anyone. Going by the UN definition of a city, Maiduguri is not even qualified to be one, even if it is bigger than Bama where I come from.”

She added that women are not for sale, “Whatever circumstance they may find themselves.”