7 types of toxic friends you need to ditch right away

Many people stay in friendships long after they should’ve said adios. Why? Because they rationalize and deny that the relationship makes them feel “less than.” Ask yourself: do any of my gal pals resemble the following? If so, it’s time to move on.

1. No-call person

“Don’t waste your energy on someone who’s too flaky or unengaged to be in touch,” says Nicole Zangara, LCSW, author of “Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.” Hard to reach people mentally weigh each contact attempt. When the scale tips in their favor, they act. When it doesn’t, they ignore.”

2. Brutally-honest person

She/he tells you you’re a doormat at work, because you complained once or twice about not feeling appreciated. Not exactly fair. “If you find yourself always begging forgiveness, while she/he’s free to say whatever she/he thinks,“ says Zangara, ”it’s time to ask yourself why you’re willing to keep playing by her/his lopsided rules.”

3. Gossip person

We all enjoy a juicy tidbit now and then, but this pal thrives on dishing dirt. Be very wary. “The more dirt she/he gathers on others,“ says Carole Lieberman, M.D., a psychiatrist in Beverly Hills, CA., “the more superior she/he feels and the more leverage she/he has over others.”

4. Passive-aggressive person

This is a tricky one, because it goes to the heart of intentions – nice or otherwise. For example: your friend throws you a surprise party even though she/he knows you hate surprise parties. You spend the night trying to be gracious in spite of your discomfort. She/he, on the other hand, revels in her/his hostess role. “This is about ownership,“ says Zangara. “True friends fess up when things don’t turn out well and they are partly or wholly to blame. Then, they apologize.” Plus, they also try harder to listen to what you like and don’t like.

5. Cancel-plans person

The scenario is always the same: you make plans for lunch or the movies and like clockwork she/he calls the night before or day-of with some excuse or another about needing to cancel. Every one of us has had to change plans at some point, but this friend makes it an Olympic sport.

6. Putdown person

She/he makes little jabs and digs, often in front of others, assured you won’t mind the “all-in-good-fun” insults. This is her/his way of making herself feel better – certainly better than you.

7. Crisisperson

Her/his life is one long soap opera, a mess of disappointments, letdowns, heartbreaks, and sadness. You are the therapist, confidante, and problem solver. Only, she/he’s not really interested in changing for the better; she/he’s more invested in keeping the drama running and having you as her/his travel mate.

What to do?

Let your pal know what’s bothering you. Her/his response – and actions – will tell you, if it’s time to move on. Or pull back, make fewer plans, be polite but not overly friendly. (In other words, don’t be dishonest.)

Either way: cultivate new friends who make you feel enriched, enlivened and embraced, because that is what good friendships do.

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