Relationship Talk: "My husband tried to use me for blood money"

I was told that he wanted to do money ritual, but because of what has happened in his office, he couldn't complete it on time

Hi Bukky,

Please I need help, before I do the undoable, I have two kids for my husband,  we got married in 2011, I was 22 years and he lied that he was 32 meanwhile he was 39.

We had our introduction and engagement, we were supposed to go to the registry, which never happened, he claimed I wanted to tie him down. After I had my 1st son, he never contributed to anything in the house and when I complain, I get beaten at times he would tie me up like an animal with his belts, tie my two hands and legs.

I wanted to leave then in 2013, but my family and friends said I should endure, and I should also consider what people would  say. His family hated me so much for reasons I don't know, I am a Christian and he is a Muslim. After I got pregnant with my 2nd child, I beg him to even have sex wit me, we could stay for months without any contact. I had to calculate my ovulation to beg him for sex, when he noticed I got pregnant, he beat me at every slightest opportunity.

His family never wanted to see me, immediately I gave birth,he didn't pay for my bills, my mum came over and paid, his excuse was that he was punishing me for what I don't know . After  my baby was 1yr, he started acting all nice and good, I was wondering if he had turned a new leaf but we never slept in d same room. Then I started having nightmares that people were looking for me, he called me one day at work, because he works in a bank that I shouldn't look for him, that I should take care of d kids, I called his family to tell them what he said,they didn't sound surprised at what I said, after three days.

On a Sunday morning someone was knocking the door at 6 a.m, I was wondering maybe he was the one, then I found out that police had surrounded the whole compound, they arrested me and the kids that my husband defrauded the bank. I wasn't working at that time because he had told my former employer to please sack me because he wants me to face my family. On the day of the arrest I called his family and told them I have been arrested, they never came and never called me, my mum bailed me and the kids.

On getting home I found out that he had used a ladder to climb into our flat at the last floor of 3 storey building, he packed his clothes and documents and his car away. After a few weeks he called me that all his account has been blocked that he needed money to come back home, that he would send someone to me when I get to my mother's shop. Little did I know that he wanted to monitor me out of the house, he came to the house after I had left packed his remaining clothes.

I knew someone entered the house immediately I got back, I asked the security in the house, he said my hubby came to the house. I had to throw all the food I had away because I didn't know what was on his mind. I still stayed in the house, for 2 months. Our rent was due at that time and our last rent was paid by my step dad.

One day I decided to enter his room, I was looking for something then I opened his second wardrobe and found some fetish things with my name on it. I called pastors and they prayed for days and I was told that he wanted to do money ritual, but because of what has happened in his office, he couldn't complete it on time. That was the day I left his house with my things to my mums house.

I was in my mother's house for a month, when my step dad woke up at 11pm and told he didn't want to see me in his house, and threw my things out of his house, I slept outside with the  two kids that night, thinking I would have no choice than to go back to my hubby. I had nowhere to go. My uncle invited me to come and stay at his place for sometime in Ajao estate, on that same day I got a job. I have to drop the kids at school in Ilasamaja from Ajao estate and start going to work. I spend too much on transportation and staying with my uncle and his family is not really convenient. Please I need an advice on how to move on, because I have no plans of going back.

Thanks.

Juliet.

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Hello Juliet,

I really appreciate you sharing this serious issue with me.

From your description, you were clearly in a very abusive relationship and needed to get out fast. You weren't getting the advice you needed from close friends and family which was for you to leave that relationship.

Now, you have to be strong not just for yourself but your children, they look up to you as rock right now. Things will always get better, when you pray. Apart from communication with your creator, it's also a form of self-therapy.

Learn to save as much as you can, it would help you and your kids in the future. If it's possible try to get another source of income, learn a trade in your free time.

You are still a young woman with prospects, living in regret will never help your situation, engaging in some form of activity apart from work would help you take your mind off the rough life you lived with your husband.

Your happiness depends on you and the first step towards doing that is forgiving your husband and yourself for all the past mistakes made.

Join a support group, maybe a church activity or volunteer, you'll meet more people and and get to interact more rather than think too much.

I wish you all the best

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