Stories That Touch: 8 Nigerian Women Reveal What Marriage Has Taught Them

People have said, for years, that marriage is not something anyone should enter lightly. It requires thoughtfulness and carefulness. A lot of married people have had to deal with the fact that they are facing a few situations they never thought they will experience.

Naij.com approached 8 Nigerian women who went on the share the biggest things about marriage that came as a shock to them.

1. Decisions have to be thought out

“Before marriage, I have always been very impulsive, I do whatever I want and make life decisions without asking for any input. I change career/educational paths according to what suits me. But since I got married, I have had to run everything by my husband. I have to make sure every decision suits what my family needs. There has to be a discussion and agreement before any big decisions can be made.  This was a big adjustment.” – Maria, 32.

2. His problems became mine

“I expected that my husband’s life and mine will be entwined after marriage, what I did not expect was that his family problems will become mine too. Whenever something comes up in his side of the family, my input or contribution is usually required, in any way I am needed. I have even sometimes had to put my own family issues on the back burner so I can be there for him” – Jennifer, 29

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3. Pride means nothing

“Before marriage, when my husband and I were dating, I usually stand my ground on issues. Whenever we fight, it was easy for me to ignore him until he comes begging. Marriage has not been like that. While he apologized sometimes, I also learned to do the same. You cannot really stay mad for long if you both live in the same house, and this often mean I have to swallow my pride and say ‘sorry’ just so that things return to normal between us.” – Lola, 27

4. There is no end to the compromise

 “Since getting married, I have quickly learned that the best way to achieve anything is to compromise. Having two people come together to build a home means that there will be disagreement along the way. And one person might sometimes not get what they want. I learned fast that I have to let it go if it happens that things are not going to go my way.” – Derby, 32

5. Friendships are hard to keep

“I had a lot of friends before marriage.  As soon as I tied the knots, a lot of my single friends gradually disappeared and it became difficult to still maintain the friendships I did have. When I had my children, I had even less time for my friends. Today, I wake up and realize I have almost no friends. This was not expected.” – Linda, 36

6. Kindness is important

 “What I can tell single women is that they should make sure they marry a kind, understanding man. I did not know how important that was until I had to live with someone that was not very compassionate. Whenever I was not feeling well, for instance, he will not be the type to go out of his way to care for me. I realized that I just naturally expected him to, only to find out that that is not a character trait he possesses” – Oge, 26

7. You get less social

 “I had children almost as soon as I got married and I notice that I have not been to a social gathering in a long while. I was not really a social person before, but now I feel like a hermit. I expected my husband and me to attend social function and have fun from time to time, but between keeping the home, working and caring for a child, there is never any time.” – Joan, 29

8. You will resent him

“I was one of those women that was head over heels in love with her man. I never thought there will be any reason for me to feel anything less than pure love for him. But I now see that you never truly know someone until you marry them. There are a lot of things he does that completely makes me want to hit him sometimes. I now know that there will be times you almost hate someone you love, but you have to love them even through their imperfections. Now I have learnt to be more patient and tolerant.” – Yetunde, 29

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